Talking to your loved ones about Aged Care options
How to talk to your Family about Aged Care options
I remember bringing up the concept of “talking about Aged Care” with my sister, one day.
Then I mentioned it to my cousin (who is a Nurse and had worked in an Aged Care Home) :
“When is a good time to talk to Mum and Dad about their thoughts and preferences around ageing?”
She replied “You’ll never find a good time. Just do it.”
I didn’t …and a few months later my Dad, who lives interstate, had several massive seizures and strokes and was touch-and-go in ICU for weeks.
We are so lucky: He is still with us: savvy and well. And although paralysed from the waist down, is living a good life at home with his loving partner of 30 years.
Luckily my Dad’s dedicated partner was right there to answer the many questions the ICU doctors had for the next-of-kin. As we were not there.
There’s no ideal moment to start the conversation with parents and loved ones regarding considering proactive steps for managing the future; however doing it before the topic is unavoidable is better for everyone concerned. It is a fact that we are all living longer.
Having a clear financial and logistical plan for the future is so much better than waiting for a crisis to start looking into options.
So HOW do you start these conversations?
Be ready to LISTEN. Be open, empathetic and interested. Show respect and be patient. The below points may also help.
- Look for Triggers
Sometimes it’s a medical emergency which indicates a parent may need help – but not always. Often there are minor triggers along the way that can indicate a parent or loved one is not as invincible as we may have thought.
Look for subtle changes – anything from a house not being as cleaned and maintained as it once was, to weight loss, increased forgetfulness or anxiety.
These triggers don’t mean it’s time to “swoop in” and sort things out.
But rather they may open initial opportunities to gently start some conversations about ageing and the aged care system
- Consider: ‘What would I want?’
Put yourself in the place of your parent or loved one. Ask yourself, how would you feel about people talking to you about aged care?
For the older generation, the idea of losing control and independence is a key concern, a confronting concern.
Ask your parent(s) how they are feeling about things, what ideas and preferences they have, and what they think of the different options you already know about and have researched. Listen to what they say back to you.
As a summary, I recommend a few background steps before jumping in:
- Get on the same page as your siblings. You might need to put aside differences of opinion, and agree to bring a kind intention to the conversation.
- Do some research. I can heartily recommend the book by comedienne Jean Kittson: ‘We need to talk about Mum & Dad’
- Sign-up for my newsletter
- Be prepared to really listen to your parents.
Start now and see where the conversation leads you. These conversations may take courage; and you can expect these interactions to go for weeks or months.
Start with a positive intention, with kindness and care, but just start.
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